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Writer's pictureRev. Dr. Bruce Havens

Love Does Not Insist On Its Own Way

Updated: 4 hours ago



"LOVE DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS OWN WAY"

a message by Rev. Dr. Bruce Havens

Coral Isles Church, U.C.C.

October 6, 2024


4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


Luke 10: 38-42 NRSV

38 Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him. 39 She had a sister named Mary, who sat at Jesus’s feet and listened to what he was saying. 40 But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her, then, to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things, 42 but few things are needed—indeed only one. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

 

 

 


I have a confession to make.  It may or may not surprise you.  I like things to go the way I want them to.  I want things my way.  It could be a product of nature versus nurture. I don’t know if it is a personality defect.  I invite any backyard psychoanalysts to tell me later.  I guess I tend to be a wannabe Frank Sinatra, not just as a singer, but to able to sing, “I Did it My Way!”


          Now, the good news, at least from my point of view, is about 25 years ago I had a slight awakening.  I read something somewhere that pointed out that if we were willing to listen to others, we might find they could actually help us get where we wanted to go, even if it meant taking a different route than we had planned.  I was arrogant enough to think, “well I’ve been to seminary, if these people would just listen to me and do it my way, everything would go perfectly!”  This idea that others, even though it might feel like criticism, might have different ideas that could help me, helped me.  It helped me learn to listen when I really didn’t want to. I started believing I didn’t have to have everything go my way to get something I wanted done.  It was a freeing feeling.  Hopefully, my attitude and leadership style improved, at least a little.  I know I worked at it.  So, while I may not be completely transformed, I have worked at repenting from my “know-it-all” attitude.

         

I say all that to say I have a sympathetic feeling for Martha, the focus of the Scripture reading for this morning.  Martha seems to have wanted things done the right way.  She seems to have put work before relaxation or play.  She seems to be the very epitome of doing what was expected of her.  And I would bet that gave her comfort in two ways, at least.  She probably felt better about herself, and she probably felt like that made her better than other slackers, like, well, her sister Mary.

         

This morning we read that story about Martha coming to Jesus and asking him to intervene with Mary and tell her to, umm, “Get up off her you-know-what” and help Martha.  Jesus feels Martha’s inner conflict.  He knows her desire to do what is right, her belief that her way is the right way, the only way.  But here’s the thing, often times what we think of as the only way isn’t.  And a lot of the times when we insist on our own way, we are actually fighting the better way God wants to lead us to.

         

Now, that’s obvious if we are blatant sinners.  You know, bank robbers, murderers, liberals, non-Christians, or for God’s sake, dog-eating Haitian immigrants.  I mean real Sinners!  With a capital “S.”  But here’s another way our “My Way” fixation can leave us separated from the way of Christ.  Or at least it can leave us at a lesser level of experiencing the love that God wants us to experience.

         

When Paul wrote to the Corinthian church, he was warning them that they were thinking and acting in a way that did not lead to the love God wants us to experience.  Some of them were convinced they were superior to others in so many ways.  That attitude came across as insisting that everything should go their way.  Paul countered by writing to them to say, “love does not insist on its own way.”

         

There are probably other lessons in this story about Mary and Martha, but I was struck by this thought:  Jesus wants to set Martha free to experience a better way.  Martha believes her way is the best way, the only way, the right way.  It was the culturally acceptable way.  But Jesus knew that Martha could be free from cultural and even religious expectations that were keeping her from experiencing God’s love to its fullest.  Mary, on the other hand, sitting, apparently doing nothing, had found a way to be free to know the love of God that flowed from being in Jesus’ presence.

         

Here’s what makes this complicated.  Nothing Martha was doing was wrong.  Some say she was doing what was expected of women culturally and religiously: preparing meals, making sure guest were welcome and comfortable – showing hospitality.  Others point out that Jesus was already breaking that expectation by welcoming women as disciples, and his movement was being supported financially and in leadership by women.  This was fully against the cultural and religious norms of the day.  But Jesus came to set us free to fully experience the love of God beyond the norms of culture and even the -ahem- man-made laws of religion.

         

Mary was free to soak up her relationship with Jesus.  She was free to experience the love that Jesus embodied and the freedom that love offers to everyone.  She accepted that freedom.  Jesus was not scolding Martha.  He was not putting down housework or hospitality.  I believe this passage invites us to see that there is a higher way to love.  Cooking a great meal or washing the dishes aren’t a bad way to show love, paying attention to relationships is sometimes an even better way.

         

Let me take that to a larger scale and into today’s world.  We live in a world still battling the role of women, the value of women, the place of women in terms of power to be free to be whom God intended.  There are a lot of “political police” trying to force women backwards into roles that limit their freedom.  Most of this comes framed in religious talk, claiming Christian authority.  But here’s the truth.  At the very moment it claims historical authenticity and authority it ignores history.  I’ve already alluded to it a moment ago.  Real history shows us women have been the cornerstone leaders of the church from the very feet of Jesus.  The Book of Acts and Paul’s own letters refer repeatedly to women in leadership and as equal partners from the beginning of Jesus earthly mission. There were even Gospels written in the name of women, that were not included in the Canon of Scripture – because they were written by women.  God did not create women to be subservient to men.  That’s bad theology, and bad political propaganda.


Today those same arguments are being made by men, and echoed by women afraid to be free.  The argument is based in maintaining power and control by men consumed about losing power and control.  The truth is, it wasn’t that way in the beginning of the Christian movement.  But by the third century, if not before, men took over and changed the goals from freedom to love to love of power and control.  They began to portray the Savior more like a religious Caesar, than Jesus was. 


This same thinking ignores history when it comes to diversity.  Power and control thinking fears “otherness.”  It ignores the fact that God created diversity.  Even in the arguments about gender and sexuality it ignores the historical fact that there have always been a percentage of the population that did not fit binary, male or female, genders.  And it ignores the many cultures that thrived embracing that diversity.  Might I also point out that the Biblical arguments about it ignore that Genesis is translated as saying God made them, “male AND female,” not “male OR female!”


So hurray for Martha and hurray for Mary.  Hurray for freedom to love as God calls us to love.  Hurray for a love that sets us free and in which we work to set each other free.  As we come to the sacrament of Communion that freedom there is another example of a “power and control” versus “freedom” dynamic.  And remember, Jesus did not demand or command Martha to do what Mary was doing.  He just showed her a better way than she was living.  And so communion begins with an invitation, not a demand or a command.


Some believe this table is reserved, like at a fancy restaurant, for the few with the power and control of it.  We believe it is a free meal.  Everyone is welcome just as everyone is welcome to experience God’s love and live it and share it with others.  We believe God sent Jesus Christ to set us free, to liberate us from the false gods of power and control that too many worship.  If you are wondering what love looks like, the test is, it does not insist on power and control, it liberates us from it.  Real love does not insist on its own way.  AMEN.

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