"LOVE IS NOT ENVIOUS"
a message by Rev. Dr. Bruce Havens
Coral Isles Church, U.C.C.
September 15, 2024
4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Mark 10: 35-40 NRSV
35 James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” 36 And he said to them, “What is it you want me to do for you?” 37 And they said to him, “Appoint us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” 38 But Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?” 39 They replied, “We are able.” Then Jesus said to them, “The cup that I drink you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized you will be baptized, 40 but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to appoint, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.”
I would think that we could file this Scripture reading under the heading, “be careful what you wish for!” Two of Jesus’ first followers come to him and ask to sit at his right and left hand when he comes in his “glory.” They don’t realize their version of “glory,” and Jesus’ are quite different. They claim to be able to drink the cup Jesus drinks and take his baptism, but they are thinking about the anointing and feasting of a royal coronation. So yeah, they thought they could handle that. Jesus was talking about a Roman crucifixion. I reckon that is a bit more than they are asking for. So while I am not sure that “envy” stands out in this story, I am sure it holds the same warning label envy does: be careful what you wish for.
A writer and psychologist shared his thoughts on envy, after seeing an obituary of someone in his own profession: “The picture was of a good-looking, blond man in his 40’s. He was … a psychologist from the area, prominent for his bestselling books. Two parallel tracks ran through my mind as I read the article. One was what I’ll call my ‘social expectation’ track – how I thought I was supposed to feel. In this track, I felt pity for a man cut down prematurely by a heart attack; for his wife and daughters left behind. The second track, and by far the stronger, was envy. As I read his obituary, I noted that he was both younger and more accomplished than me. Aside from his popular books, he had appeared on national television, and he had a private practice in a wealthy area, where – I assumed – he saw full-fee, high-functioning clients.
“My envy track started sniffing for a hole in this otherwise glorious life. His books were bestsellers – they probably weren’t that deep. I had never read them, and I wasn’t about to increase his Amazon ranking by buying them now. Yes, he had appeared on Oprah, but maybe he was just a publicity hound? Maybe he had multiple divorces? No, the article said he had a long-term marriage. He even had way more hair than I did and was better looking by any standard. As I put down the paper in exasperation, I distinctly remember a voice in my head saying, with a kind of sneering satisfaction: Well, he’s dead and I’m not [ Josh Gressel, “How to Put Your Envy to Good Use,” psyche.co/guides/how-to-deal-with-envy ].” Ouch! That is the voice of envy. “He’s dead and I’m not.” Probably the lowest version of envy, really, if that’s the best we can do.
Our focus this morning is on Paul’s words, “love does not envy.” Although it is considered a “deadly sin” in the Catholic tradition, the truth is we probably fight all the others more than envy. But that is not to say that envy has nothing to teach us about how to love more. My goal for us in this series is that we can learn from all these qualities of love that Paul lists, whether we struggle with that quality or not. Here’s what I’ve learned from studying envy. And let me remind you what the standard for all my sermons is: I’m just preaching to myself, ya’ll got to get what you can out of this, ok?
The writer of the obituary story I shared a moment ago, shared what he thought we could learn. He says, “looking directly and honestly into our darkest fears and our deepest doubts yields the rich fruit of self-knowledge – and the heightened sense of self and security that come with it. Envy is a door to your personal underworld. A healthy response to envy is not about bringing someone else down, but taking steps to grow or give expression to a part of yourself that envy suggests is important to you. In other words, envy is trying to tell you something about your possibilities that you haven’t acknowledged or released to positive effect.
He says, “Envy is not at all pleasurable to experience.” But he goes on to say, “I believe that envy is the sin that holds the greatest spiritual potential.... It requires us to [explore] our inner worlds because there is nothing in the outer world that easily explains it. The foremost way I believe you can [find a] spiritual path with envy – by this I mean learn to appreciate [what envy teaches] – is to trust that you, and only you, have a particular something that you can bring to the world. If you don’t bring it out, the world will be without it. It doesn’t have to be a major, visible accomplishment. It could be your presence in another person’s life; the way you do whatever your job is; or any expression of what makes you uniquely you.”
Then he adds: “Envy calls upon you to trust that you are not a mistake. The more you truly believe this and live this, the more fully you will express yourself in your life, and the less you will feel envy. If you believe in God or another higher power, then overcoming envy can mean trusting that you were created perfectly and that you … simply need to express yourself as fully as you can.”
I realize that sounds a bit “New Age-y.” Let me try to say this in a way that may be more recognizable as a way of following Christ. We may see something we envy in another. We can choose to develop that trait that produced that blessing the other person has that we don’t. First, ask if what you envy is something that will help you become the fully loving creation God made you to be? Money isn’t going to necessarily do that. But doing something that does help you become more loving, that is the way of Christ.
God created us to become fully human. Each of us has unique God-given abilities that God means for us to fully develop. If we are feeling envious of someone else’s achievements or anything else, the writer is saying that can be a sign to us that we are not fulfilling our God-given purposes. So, the way to grow in love is to identify what we have not developed in our lives, and if it will help us grow in loving others, then go do it.
This is quite different from our two disciples who wanted the appointment to be Jesus’ left and right-hand men. They wanted glory as defined by human values. Jesus came to reveal what God considers our glory, and our purpose – to learn to love others and to love God. Too often we aren’t focused on God’s purposes for our lives, but our own. That makes it too easy to fall into the values and purposes of the moment, of the culture, and that leaves us empty and hating our lives, ourselves, and others. That can lead us to priorities that not only hurt us personally but others as well.
Love is the only antidote. Be careful what you wish for, yes, but love always brings blessing. But love requires more than wishing. It requires work. When we are willing to love when others succeed - when it achieved by just means and results in just outcomes – envy leaves.
If we seek to grow in love for God, we will find real glory and power. We will find the power of God’s love lifts us up to love others more. That is the power of God’s love. And that love can lift us up on eagles’ wings to new heights. May we all discover more of the power of God’s love and soar. AMEN.
Comments